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Here and now-long post!

May 11th, 2014 at 04:57 am

Last night we had a Mother's Day barbq. We figured we'd have it Saturday since on Sundays we have to wrap up early to prepare for the upcoming week. It rained in the afternoon but by the time our party rolled around the weather had cleared up. It was dry enough for the kids to play outside and the adults to hang out on the deck. We had a great time.

With so much activity I was really engaged in the present moment, something I struggle with. Especially under times of stress, I tend to ruminate on the future, what decisions to make next, what impact those decisions might have, the 'what ifs'. Lately I have also been thinking of the recent past, regretting decisions that we made that probably weren't the best for us, wasted a lot of money, etc.

And what do these thoughts of worry and regret cause? More stress, of course. There's that vicious cycle of unhappiness I cause in my own brain. Between worrying about the future and kicking myself for mistakes made in the past, I have not been enjoying the moment. But being at the barbeque and engaging with people in a casual setting, where we all just wanted to enjoy the time with no hidden agenda, it was so nice. I got to play with my kids, laugh with friends, and enjoy great food and drink, as well as a beautiful night outdoors.

I feel better when I am focused on the present moment, I feel refreshed. I guess I also feel that way when I exercise, if I don't allow my thoughts to fixate on what I'm "fixing"- if I'm burning enough calories or building enough muscle. If I just get in the zone of exercise without the interruption of my own thoughts, I finish refreshed.

I will work on staying in the present moment as my defense against the stress I allow myself to feel. Money comes and goes. Spending it all on crap won't make me feel better, but neither does thinking about it all of the time. With a clear head I can make good decisions that I can own up to. If they end up not being the best choices, well, I go on from there. No beating myself up over them.

1 Responses to “Here and now-long post!”

  1. ceejay74 Says:

    I am the same. I'm not too bad about dwelling on the financial past, but sometimes if I'm focused hard on a goal, all I can think about is the future and I find it hard to live in the moment. Kids do help with that; they notice when you're not engaged and sort of drag you back into the moment. Parties are good too for that. Good job being self-aware enough to try and change that a bit!

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