Last night we had a Mother's Day barbq. We figured we'd have it Saturday since on Sundays we have to wrap up early to prepare for the upcoming week. It rained in the afternoon but by the time our party rolled around the weather had cleared up. It was dry enough for the kids to play outside and the adults to hang out on the deck. We had a great time.

With so much activity I was really engaged in the present moment, something I struggle with. Especially under times of stress, I tend to ruminate on the future, what decisions to make next, what impact those decisions might have, the 'what ifs'. Lately I have also been thinking of the recent past, regretting decisions that we made that probably weren't the best for us, wasted a lot of money, etc.

And what do these thoughts of worry and regret cause? More stress, of course. There's that vicious cycle of unhappiness I cause in my own brain. Between worrying about the future and kicking myself for mistakes made in the past, I have not been enjoying the moment. But being at the barbeque and engaging with people in a casual setting, where we all just wanted to enjoy the time with no hidden agenda, it was so nice. I got to play with my kids, laugh with friends, and enjoy great food and drink, as well as a beautiful night outdoors.

I feel better when I am focused on the present moment, I feel refreshed. I guess I also feel that way when I exercise, if I don't allow my thoughts to fixate on what I'm "fixing"- if I'm burning enough calories or building enough muscle. If I just get in the zone of exercise without the interruption of my own thoughts, I finish refreshed.

I will work on staying in the present moment as my defense against the stress I allow myself to feel. Money comes and goes. Spending it all on crap won't make me feel better, but neither does thinking about it all of the time. With a clear head I can make good decisions that I can own up to. If they end up not being the best choices, well, I go on from there. No beating myself up over them.

I added another $1,000 to the long-term account, and $25 to my short-term account. I think that my short-term account would be what some consider the "slush fund". That money ebbs and flows when things crop up, like an unexpected gift to purchase or big vet bill. Instead of separating my money into several little areas, I will just pull from this account as needed. My intention is to not pull from the long-term account, that's for wealth building. Yet it's available for big emergencies.

8 more weeks left of school, and so much to do in the meantime! I'm being as efficient as possible at work so that I don't have to bring much home. I have another stack of responsibilities at home and I want to focus on those, not carry over my day job.

Home life has been tense, relationships can be so much work sometimes...is it wrong for me to want my own little cottage in the backyard, all to myself? I know things will get easier, life has ups and downs, but I'm tired of the struggles.